So much of how we understand the world and how we see ourselves in the world has to do with who we see growing up. Babies are born with a clean slate. They do not inherently know the unwritten social codes that guide our society. They learn how to say “please” and “thank you” because that’s what they hear people around them saying. We learn when to laugh because we hear other people laughing too.
If what we see and experience shapes how we act and understand ourselves, then we have to reevaluate and carefully consider what children grow up watching. Do they grow up with tall, skinny, light skinned barbie dolls and seeing only male superheroes? Do they grow up watching all the actors in TV and movies wearing makeup and living high-end, seemingly put together lives? What kind of expectations do these images set for the children of our world?
Women have been so narrowly defined for so long. How to look, how to act, what you can and can’t do. One thing that has stuck the most is the constant pressure to live up to impossible beauty standards. Beauty standards that teach girls that they must feel bad about themselves if they do not look exactly like the models in the pictures.
I grew up in this world. I grew up seeing a very clear, very narrow definition of “pretty.” I grew up knowing that I did not fit that definition of “pretty;” at least in my own vision of myself. I remember very distinctly realizing and becoming self conscious of my body in 5th grade. That meant being anxious about what I was wearing, not loving looking at pictures of myself, and being overall less confident. When I turned 13, I decided I was going to make a change; that I was going to do everything in my power to fit that definition of “pretty.”
I did it. I did change. People started saying “you look good”. People told my mom, your daughter looks like she’s “in good shape.” In reality, I was not good. I was unhealthy. My body was exhausted. My mind was tired yet still managing to convince me that I still did not fit that picture perfect “pretty.”
Luckily, I have an incredible family who recognized the change in my behavior, mood and energy, not just the change in my body. I was able to get the guidance I needed to get my body back to a healthy place and start working on seeing myself in a more positive way.
My story is not unique. My story is not over. Even after eating in a more healthy way and understanding the importance of fueling my body in a healthy way, I have had ups and downs with the way I perceive myself and how that affects my actions. My story is not over, but today I definitely do not fit the image of a tall skinny girl that I had idealized for so long. I am strong. I am short. I am healthy. And I am proud of that...most days.
Even after years of consciously working to change my mind set and understand how my body functions best, I still question myself and my body. That is the result of living in a society that constantly throws images of “perfection” at you. That is what happens when you grow up not fitting into any jeans because they are only cut for tall skinny girls. Society has literally created a cookie cutter for girls to fit into. Literally.
Again, my story is not unique and in many ways I am incredibly lucky to have had the support that I did and reach such a stable place so quickly. Body confidence is a struggle for women and young girls throughout society, and it can lead to incredibly devastating consequences. Why have we not changed the way society works?
It is time that we reshape the way that the society portrays and shapes women. Shaming women for the way that they look has to end. That end has begun. Two weeks ago, I bought the best fitting pair of jeans in my life because American Eagle finally created a “Curvy” cut jean that you can also buy in “short” size. There is no cookie cutter that allows all people to reach their full potential and live with the confidence that every person on this earth deserves. We are all our own shapes and sizes and THAT is beautiful. We have to keep fighting though, this is just the beginning.
Let’s push for a world where you are never defined by how you look, but how you act. Let’s push for a world where you can be confident in your body and confident in who you are without being called a “slut;” a world where strong, thicc, and skinny are equally as sexy and powerful; a world where all forms of beauty are recognized. Let’s push for a world where we can grow up without being able to draw an exact picture of what the word “pretty” means.